


at the end of the year

by mochasweets



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, year-end music festival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26139412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochasweets/pseuds/mochasweets
Summary: Okay, so Jinyoungdidhave trouble sleeping, and it might be related to the break with his boyfriend and how said boyfriend thought Jinyoung was hard to love (which again wasn't that surprising), but so what? It’s not like Jinyoung could come up there, kiss him and expect everything to go back to normal?Jinyoung hated himself for even considering the idea.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 5
Kudos: 99





	at the end of the year

**Author's Note:**

> part of this [social media au](https://twitter.com/jypeachx/status/1016306684698898433)

_It might be a little while, but_

_Maybe we'll realign soon_

**December 31st 2018**

In retrospect, Jinyoung lamented, he should've just said no when Son Hyunwoo asked him to stay until they wrap up the whole event. It should be easy for him to suspect something, considering Jisoo had given him the blessing to go home earlier, and Wonpil said he could come in his stead for the evaluation meeting. Mark was free to leave the around 10pm last year anyway. And objectively speaking, his job desc didn’t specify the obligation to stay at the venue until the event’s over either.

(More importantly, he had plans. The one that consisted of going home before 10pm, cooking a bowl of ramyeon before tucking himself in, monitoring his staffs via WhatsApp to eventually sleep as soon as the fireworks die down. Not like he could get any sleep, but he had long accepted the fact that he couldn’t perceive New Year’s Eve as something other than annual nuisance. So what's the use of staying, right?).

But thanks to the project officer’s persistence and Jinyoung’s own pushover tendency towards someone he considered acquaintance, he’s stuck here now, standing among people he didn't recognize. Beside him, Wonho was a bundle of movements and screams. His small bowl of _omuk_ and _tteok_ was getting cold in Jinyoung’s hand, forgotten.

“Don’t be picky about what’s what, when the fireworks go off it’ll be a beautiful night!” Wonho cried right beside Jinyoung’s ear, a complete contrast to Jinyoung who was resembling a statue.

Paradise was having fun on the stage. Jinyoung could tell as much from the way Jaebeom danced from one corner to the other, trying to fire up the energy from the entire population in the pit. Something fluttered in his stomach, but the bubbly feeling disappeared as soon as Jaebeom stopped by the extended stage once and threw Jinyoung a sharp look.

How the man could find him there remained a question Jinyoung rather not to think about.

If Jinyoung wanted to go home before, the urge only increased by ten fold now.

“Hyung,” he called Wonho to stop moving, shoving the plastic bowl to his hand, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Don't wait for me. If I don’t come back in fifteen minutes, that means I’m abducted.”

“What? You’re just gonna leave me alone like this?” Wonho said, a little out of breath from all the jumping.

This person, really. He even had the audacity to look hurt.

Jinyoung took a deep breath, fast, and regretted instantly when the chilly air filled his lungs. “Hey, don't be like that. Hyunwoo hyung is probably chatting with one of the guest stars right now. Don’t want to miss the opportunity to ruin that, right? C’mon, I’ll take you backstage.”

Before he could even take the first step, Jinyoung was easily pulled back by the strap of his tote bag.

“Do you think he left me in your hands for you to babysit?” Wonho asked, chuckling.

Jinyoung shrugged, yanking his tote bag from Wonho’s grip. “Seems like something Son Hyunwoo would do. You can’t blame me.”

“Hm. Okay. Fair enough,” Wonho considered for a few seconds, before he continued. “But you still can't leave me here tonight. We promised to see the fireworks together.”

“I never promised you anything.”

Behind him, the crowd began wilding all of a sudden and Jinyoung turned just in time to catch a sight of Jaebeom throwing one of his towels to the audience near the main stage. He cringed inwardly.

When he turned back, Wonho already had an expectant look on his face. “Hyung, listen.”

“Until when are you going to avoid him?” Wonho asked nonchalantly as he popped a piece of _tteok_ into his mouth.

Sometimes Jinyoung questioned the universe why he ended up being close with this man, of all people.

“What is it to you?”

“Nothing,” Wonho shrugged. “Just asking.”

First of all, it's most definitely not _nothing_.

Second, _that_ was one of the questions Jinyoung asked himself on a daily basis. How dare Wonho, his _acquaintance_ of three months, voiced it out loud.

Third, the nerve to _grin_ after that. Like, Jinyoung was crude in many sense but this was just outright asking for a fight.

Also, how the hell is Jinyoung supposed to answer that? Surely if he had figured it out, he wouldn’t be standing here with him, would he? He’d be there, on the hidden part of the stage, cheering for his boyfriend from the sideline like he used to do.

Jinyoung considered to grab the bowl back and dump the contents over the elder’s head, but held himself back when he remembered that he’s a part of the civilized society. He had mastered the art of not getting worked up over people’s obliviousness. He wouldn't make his only moviegoer ~~friend~~ acquaintance run away just because the man pointed out the most obvious thing in the world after The Sixth Sense plot twist.

(Plus, Jinyoung might have poured his heart out when they got drunk three nights ago. So he let it slide.)

“Staay,” Wonho insisted, throwing his arm around Jinyoung's shoulder. “I ask you to keep me company because I miss you.”

“We met like three days ago.”

“Then you’re underestimating my ability to be incredibly, super clingy.”

Jinyoung huffed as he’s struggling to free himself from under Wonho’s arm. If he’s forced to spend the night surrounded by people, so far away from his bed, he rather did it without the feel of claustrophobia as well thank you very much.

“You’re so desperate to go home like you could even sleep.”

“Well,” Jinyoung buried his face deeper into the comfort of his scarf. “Unlike yours, my place is very nice. Full offense, but I’ll take literally anything other than freezing my ass off standing here with you.”

“Have _you_ seen your ass? It won't freeze ever.”

“Rest In Peace logic,” Jinyoung deadpanned. “Stop talking before I shove that bowl whole into your mouth.”

“You should get it checked, though,” Wonho said after taking a bite of his _omuk_.

“What? My ass?”

Wonho rolled his eyes, “Your sleeping problem.”

“I’m fine.”

“There are bags under your eyes.”

“Thank you for noticing. They get sad when people ignore them.”

Wonho let out a tired sigh and Jinyoung had to recite communication axioms in his head so he wouldn't strangle him.

It's not his fault anyway. Jinyoung himself told the other man that he had been struggling to sleep lately. On average days, he could only sleep for two hours at the most. But when it got really bad, he even found dried tears on his cheeks without any recollection of going through a nightmare the night before.

He tried not to dramatize it too much, though. He still went to classes, attended the pre-event meetings, carried on with his days like nothing happened (because most of the time it felt like it).

Only when his head hit the pillow that all thoughts came barreling into his mind, refusing to let him sleep.

The most frustrating thing was, he _knew_ what caused it. He didn’t need to get it checked. The memory’s so vivid –

( _“I didn’t ask you to come. You don’t think I can handle this, right? Now look, I got everything under control. Don’t expect me to rely on you forever!”_

_Confusion painted Jaebeom's face before the hurt taking over._

_This. This is why Jinyoung avoided confrontation with Jaebeom in any chance he got. Every single thing he let out always felt wrong, no matter how true. Yugyeom never got tired of telling him that he could be too blunt sometimes. He knew he couldn't control most of it, but at the same time he just regretted that Jaebeom had to be on the receiving end of it, too._

_His one and only Jaebeom hyung who went through a hard time at his workplace, yet still found the time to check up on him. His Jaebeom hyung, who always chose Jinyoung over sleep, no matter how worn out he was. Jaebeom hyung who never hesitated to tell Jinyoung that he loved him everyday, never even once expected Jinyoung to return it._

_Jaebeom hyung, whose sweats lining up his shirt collar, the aftermath of running from the bus stop just to get scolded by Jinyoung here._

_Too many things Jinyoung wanted to say but he found words failing him as he looked at how Jaebeom still stayed there, exhaustion apparent in his eyes._

_Jinyoung would be exhausted too if he had to deal with unnecessary stress all the time._

_Lim Jaebeom had spent three years of his life with him. And Jinyoung felt terribly sorry for him._

_“Hyung, I beg you now, please,”—I’m sorry. I’ve never meant for all of this to happen.—”go away.”_

_One second._

_Two seconds._

_Jaebeom just sat there in silence that Jinyoung started to doubt if he even heard him. But right before he could make the move and shake the man out of his stupor, Jaebeom stood up._

_He said something before he bolted out of the room. His voice was barely a whisper, but Jinyoung heard it as loud as his own heartbeat._

_“You’re so fucking hard to love, d’you know that?”_ )

– sometimes it seeped into Jinyoung’s subconscious mind and rolling like a movie in his dreams.

Okay, so Jinyoung _did_ have trouble sleeping, and it _might_ be related to the break with his boyfriend and how said boyfriend thought Jinyoung was hard to love (which again wasn't that surprising), but so what? It’s not like Jinyoung could come up there, kiss him and expect everything to go back to normal?

Jinyoung hated himself for even considering the idea.

* * *

Despite his strong urge to flee, Jinyoung managed to stay beside Wonho and stood still throughout Paradise’s performance.

Jinyoung wasn’t an avid fan of music events, but he had enough experience of seeing his favorite artists performing live to come up with an opinion that every stage has its own magic. Besides the artist themselves, it’s probably something to do with the lighting and how the sounds reverberate physically against his chest. For the particular case tonight, their combination caused the surge of pride he felt towards the man on the stage, no matter how much he wished to deny it.

A chorus of protest could be heard when Jaebeom announced Paradise’s last stage.

However, as soon as he strummed his acoustic guitar, people seemed to be put under a spell that didn’t allow them to do anything but to listen and sing along.

In the middle of falling snow, Jaebeom crooned into the mic with his eyes closed. His lower register floating around the venue, calming what was once an erratic atmosphere.

_Try to fight the bitterness I keep on tasting, seeping into my deepest heart_

Jinyoung had lost count of how many times Jaebeom had made him proud. But he found that feeling only intensified tonight.

Jinyoung had always known the man in front of him was born for many great things. But on the stage is where he's truly shining; being the center of attention, pouring his deepest feelings in riddles and tucking them between the letters of his lyrics. Jinyoung pinched the skin on the back of his hand, praying this wasn't just a sick game made by his own mind. A dream to wake up from.

Through the second verse of the song, Jinyoung used all his willpower not to turn to Wonho and scream at his ear, ‘Look at him. That’s my boyfriend right there. Doesn’t he look spectacular? Isn’t he the best?’

_Try to get rid of the scent of your body,_

_Flowing, filling the rapid stream of my blood_

Jaebeom did onceover of the crowd, gaze eventually strayed to the area where Jinyoung was standing.

Jinyoung honestly didn’t expect much, but when their eyes met each other for the second time that night – ( _“Did you see me back there? Sorry I was late. Dongwoon hyung decided to kick my ass during the project meeting,” Jinyoung said as he gently brushed Jaebeom’s hair to the side. The other man just wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, pulling him closer as he brought their noses together, “Of course I saw you. Even in an ocean of people, my eyes will always find you.”_ ) – he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief for the familiarity. His own make-believe that everything's going to be okay.

Even though it lasted only for a few seconds before Jaebeom looked away to the other part of the stage, Jinyoung found the gaze warming him up unlike before.

The crowd, including Wonho, singing along, oblivious to what just happened in that brief moment.

* * *

Jaebeom noticed the bag before he recognized the person holding it.

A black tote bag with the outline of a wolf face printed on its canvas. Jinyoung liked to bring it wherever he went, even to an event like this where he’s supposed to be spazzing and getting lost in the music.

But that’s how his Jinyoung had always been. Some said he’s conceited. Some did a stretch and called him an outlier. Jaebeom thought he just tried his best and wanted everything to go well.

“Been a long time, isn’t it, Jinyoung-ah?”

Jaebeom watched, amused, how Jinyoung immediately started looking around, completely clueless of Jaebeom’s whereabouts. Until his eyes fell on Jaebeom who stood not too far from him, hidden behind a bin.

Jinyoung schooled his feature back into the look of indifference in a matter of seconds.

“You’re smoking,” was the first sentence Jaebeom heard from him that night.

He took a drag into his lungs, releasing them in a chain of smoke rings upward.

Jinyoung glared.

Feeling playful, Jaebeom moved to sit beside Jinyoung, using his elbow to poke the other man’s side. “What’s someone cute like you doing here?” His padded jacket minimizing the impact, Jinyoung remained unmoving and silent.

On the stage, so far across from them, Dougy Mandagi was talking to the audience after The Temper Trap started their performance with two songs. Jinyoung stubbornly kept his eyes there, but Jaebeom could tell he’s not _seeing_ anything.

Jaebeom wondered if he’s going to do that all night. Confrontation was something neither of them preferred to do if they could help it.

After the last drag, Jaebeom threw his cigarette to the ground, crushing it with the heel of his boot. “Why are you here alone? I saw you with him back there.”

“Wonho hyung,” Jinyoung supplied. “The man suddenly decides that he wants to watch The Temper Trap from up close. But-”

“You hate crowds.”

“-I hate crowds. Yes. They get on my nerves. So we parted ways... And here I am.”

Here meaning a secluded bench far away from the stage. Far from the venue. The fact that he managed to find Jinyoung here was a miracle in itself.

Jinyoung hugged the tote bag close to his chest, seemingly uninterested in Jaebeom’s presence. His cheeks a darker shade of red, looking flawless in Jaebeom’s line of view.

Jinyoung let out a breath. It was visible in the cold air and Jaebeom let himself be entranced by how it danced in front of him.

In the short moment before the cloud disappeared, a familiar memory came to him; of past times spent with just the two of them, sitting on a pair of rusty swings, exchanging thoughts late at night.

Jaebeom remembered how anxious he was, not ready to step out into the real world after graduation. Jinyoung, sleepily (he was sleeping when Jaebeom called him, but immediately ran to the park as soon as he heard Jaebeom’s voice) listened to his ramblings, their intertwined hands hanging low between them. Too tight for Jaebeom’s liking, but that’s Jinyoung's way of keeping him grounded.

It's been so long that Jaebeom had forgotten how it felt like to have his hand wrapped around Jinyoung's.

It's not a question anymore. Jaebeom definitely missed Jinyoung’s presence during their time apart, he wouldn’t even think to deny that. He missed being the little spoon, being the prey that got captured in Jinyoung’s octopus hug, he missed the way Jinyoung’s voice slurred during their night calls, his political diatribes that honestly Jaebeom couldn’t care less about, his complaint towards slow walkers… Hell, he even missed Jinyoung’s disgusted face to every cheesy thing he said.

But Jaebeom found that none of them mattered anymore. Because Jinyoung was here, sitting beside him, hugging his tote bag like it’s his lifeline, clad in his favorite beige peacoat. He’s warm, breathing. He’s _alive_.

Jaebeom’s lips were sealed tight, but he’s bursting to the brim with all those feelings. Jinyoung seemed adamant on ignoring him tonight, yet Jaebeom still wanted to ask the universe how was it even possible for him to love a person this much.

“Stop staring at me,” Jinyoung said out of the blue.

“What are you looking at?” Jaebeom asked, voice low as not to disturb the peace and quiet that had blanketed them.

“Guess.”

“I don’t know. The ant-sized vocalist? The microscopic stage arts? Whatever it is, it’s definitely not me.”

Jinyoung turned to look at him.

Seoul's weather at this time of the year was harsh. He didn’t know why the committee thought it would be a good idea to hold an outdoor festival. By the time Paradise finished performing, Jaebeom immediately rushed to get into his padded coat and almost burned himself on a heater backstage.

As he was warming up, his mind couldn't think of anything other than how nice it would be to have Jinyoung rubbing their hands together.

His Jinyoung. Whose face was void of emotion now. Whose eyes bore into Jaebeom’s soul like nothing else ever did.

His Jinyoung who always appeared in his dream, and vanished whenever Jaebeom reached to touch him.

“I miss you, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebeom whispered, slowly pulling Jinyoung's arm towards him, running his fingers along the soft coat to finally take Jinyoung's hand in his.

Jinyoung’s breath hitched, but he didn’t pull away.

Was he real? Was Jaebeom dreaming right now? Jinyoung’s hand felt so cold to touch, so Jaebeom rubbed them together like he had pictured backstage.

“Do you know what I hate the most about all of this?”

Jinyoung remained silent.

“I hate that my mind won’t shut up about you. Every day, every waking hour. Even in my dreams, you’re always there. Some nights you said you hate me, some nights you didn’t even remember my name. Sometimes we’re... just there. To relive our earlier memories together. Those nights are the worst, because I. I always wake up crying.”

Jaebeom let out a breath, looking down to trace the lines on Jinyoung's palm.

“I’m sorry, Jinyoung-ah,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry. I know I said hurtful things in the past... But believe me when I say I didn't mean them. Every single one of them. I was confused, I was scared, I was hurt. The break that you ask for us... It really helps me to put things into perspective. And I didn’t- No. I _don’t_ want to lose you. I’m sorry, Jinyoung-ah. I miss you. I miss you so much, it’s not rational anymore. But. But if you still need time, I’ll. I’ll be okay. As long as you don’t leave.”

The wind was blowing and Jaebeom felt the cold hitting his face. He’s aware of the fact there were tears running down his face. But he found that he didn't care much because Jinyoung’s eyes are also shining with unshed tears.

Unable to look at them, Jaebeom shifted back his gaze to their intertwined hands instead. Their pale, naked, intertwined hands. And he laughed.

Oh god, weren't they just a pair of clueless, helpless idiots?

“I’m glad,” Jinyoung said eventually, prompting Jaebeom to look up. “I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who woke up crying all this time.”

Jaebeom didn’t even let himself to properly react upon hearing that. As soon as he saw the first teardrop, Jaebeom pulled Jinyoung straight into his embrace.

He hated seeing Jinyoung cry. He hated the fact that he had seen Jinyoung cry more in the past few months than in the first two years of their relationship combined.

Jinyoung had his arms circled around Jaebeom’s waist, head tucked under his chin. And Jaebeom’s vision was blurred by his own tears, but for the first time in months, Jaebeom’s chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore. He couldn’t stop kissing the crown of Jinyoung’s head.

Perhaps they’re really here for the long run, after all.

* * *

**January 1st 2019**

“I’m going to move out soon.”

Jaebeom had one of Jinyoung’s hands tucked into the pocket of his coat, fingers still intertwined. The hold was tightening when Jinyoung said it.

“Moving out of your apartment?”

“Mhmm.”

“It’s only about time.”

“Right?” Jinyoung said. “I don’t know why the guys make it into such a big deal.”

“You know,” Jaebeom exhaled, thumb absentmindedly rubbing the back of Jinyoung’s hand. “If something happens, unexpectedly. The nest could fit one more person. And to be honest, I don’t mind having another roommate. Literal roommate. Like, sleeping on the same bed, sharing one closet, and all.”

“You can just say moving in.”

Jaebeom shrugged. “No pressure, though.”

“Nah. I’d like that.” Jinyoung let out a sigh, Jaebeom felt the air blowing around his throat. “Maybe not now. But of course I’d like to move in with you, hyung.”

“You’d like to move in with me?”

“I’d like to move in with you, your cats, your dozens jars of spices and food pastes, and your growing collection of hoodies and vinyls.”

“Aw,” Jaebeom cooed. “Now what am I gonna do with my beloved collection of bucket hats?”

“Those,” Jinyoung said, “we have to throw out.”

He heard Jinyoung snickering. The sound of it reminded Jaebeom of the younger’s past mischief, spreading warmth around Jaebeom’s chest.

They stayed like that, watching the festival from afar. Nodding along to the music that the wind brought over to them. It's like they never spent the past months separately.

Until Jinyoung broke the silence.

“I saw Bae Suzy,” he said in a small voice.

Jaebeom tried not to cringe at the name.

“Yeah… She was there. She came to talk to me.”

“How did it go?”

“Good, to speak the least,” Jaebeom said. “She apologized. And told me that she resigned from the agency, planning to spend a couple of months going around the globe with her fiancé, trying to mend what’s broken, I guess.”

“That’s great,” Jinyoung responded. “That's really great. I’m glad to hear that.”

“She also said she tried to reach you, but it seemed that you blocked her.”

“I do,” Jinyoung replied. “I blocked her contact, put her number on blacklist, too. Maybe someday I’ll talk to her, but it’s not a promise.”

They turned silent again. Far away, Jaebeom could hear people singing along to Fall Together. Jinyoung's head a comfortable weight on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”

“Why do you keep apologizing?” Jinyoung sighed. “Hyung, we’re both at fault here. Last year just… wasn’t the best for us. Let’s just admit it and move on. Okay?”

“Hm? Okay,” Jaebeom nodded.

He felt Jinyoung kissing the side of his neck.

Unable to contain his longing anymore, Jaebeom looked down and lifted Jinyoung’s chin up, pressing their lips together.

Jinyoung’s lips tasted like salty snacks that Jaebeom bought from one of the food trucks earlier this afternoon. He was not a fan of those, but tonight he's okay with that because Jinyoung was forcing his tongue inside, persistent, and Jaebeom couldn't help but thinking how he had been missing this so much.

They pulled away after a while. Jaebeom wouldn’t stop peppering Jinyoung’s face with kisses despite the protest.

“Stop,” Jinyoung said, pushing Jaebeom’s lips with his free hand. “You reek of cigarettes, dude. Don’t touch my face with those lips.”

Jaebeom snorted. “You literally shoved your tongue down my throat seconds ago.”

“Which part of ‘don’t touch my face with those lips’ don't you understand?” Jinyoung grumbled.

Jaebeom just smiled widely. He's aware of much of a fool he looked like because Jinyoung's pout then turned into laughter.

“So I’m allowed to kiss you, but only on the lips?”

“Only the lips.”

“Alright, I can deal with that,” Jaebeom sniffed. “So may I kiss you again now?”


End file.
